Evening Hosts Take Aim At Trump's New 'Gold Card' Residency Plan

TV's leading comedians used the evening ridiculing President Donald Trump's recently announced immigration initiative, labeled the "gold card," portraying it as a blatant cash-for-residency system for the affluent.

The Late Show's Pointed Take

Starting his broadcast, Stephen Colbert presented a satirical Christmas jingle directed at the commander-in-chief. "He's making a list, checking it twice, and then giving that list to the people at ICE," he sang. "The President ... spoils each thing he comes into contact with."

The subject was the controversial plan that enables overseas individuals to purchase U.S. residence for a sum of a million dollars, with a "premium" version for $5 million. A government page pledges approval "with unprecedented speed."

"One message here to wealthy applicants: prior to you pay, have you considered Canada?" Colbert remarked.

He noted that the scheme is also intended to "get cash" from firms wishing to hire skilled workers, with significant fees. "That is a lot of fees, but if you register, you also get free accommodation at a hotel of your choosing – provided that it's the Tampa Marriott Bonvoy," he continued.

"The most thorough background check the U.S. government has before done," stated Commerce Secretary Howard Lutnick, "a $15,000 vetting to ensure these individuals absolutely meet the standard to be in America."

"That's important, you gotta prove you're fit to be an American," Colbert said dryly. "First question: how many hamburgers would you eat for a free T-shirt?"

Jimmy Kimmel's Humorous Commentary

On his own program, Jimmy Kimmel labeled the initiative the "Get Into America Express Card."

"It's a card that will let affluent foreigners to live here," he stated. "For a million bucks, you get official resident status, you get a route to citizenship, and a president's pardon for one serious crime of your choice."

"Maybe it's time to update that poem on the Statue of Liberty – never mind your poor masses. Give us a million bucks, you're in!" he added.

Kimmel mocked the lack of detail of the form, observing it is "tougher to start a Wordle account." He remarked that Trump "thinks citizenship is something you can sell, like a steak."

"Exactly, the best people are the rich people," Kimmel said. "It's what Jesus constantly said! It's in the Bible. He says it's simpler for a camel to go through the eye of a needle provided that you give the needle a million dollars."

Seth Meyers covering Economic Concerns

Meanwhile, Seth Meyers addressed Trump's slipping approval ratings amid economic anxiety. "Voters gave Donald Trump a second term since they were upset about the economy," he noted.

This week, in a bid to tackle prices, Trump conducted a briefing in front of a array of grocery items, and behaved peculiarly to some cereal.

"Lovely packaging, I think I'm going to take some of them back to my cottage and have a lot of fun," Trump remarked. "Like the Cheerios, I haven't had Cheerios in a ages."

"He's so fucking weird," Meyers said. "What do you mean, you're going to take them home to your cottage to have a lot of fun with them? What exactly happens with those Cheerios?"

Meyers concluded by criticizing right-leaning news coverage of Trump's financial performance. "Perhaps rather than complaining, you should give him a shiny trophy like the one FIFA did," he remarked.